Alter Egos

I remember Jeremy. He was sweet, and harmless. When he said hello, it was like somebody had died. He seemed so constipated. Then I heard he stabbed that Parker kid with a butcher knife. There was no way in hell he could’ve pulled off a murder. He couldn’t even defend himself from little Jenny on her bike. The boy had no muscle.

But then, he’d done it. He’d stabbed Parker nine times. It’s been over a year that I look after Jeremy at the LK General Hospital. I’ve been meeting him for over sixteen months now. He still has no memory of that night. Then, there are times I encounter his alter-ego, Clive. He says he did it. Initially, I found it hard to believe that this could be true. But, I know when someone is telling the truth, and I saw the fear in this little boy’s eyes.

During my meetings with Jeremy, I saw different facets of his character. I met Marvin, who is the first, and the main personality living within Jeremy. He is twenty eight years old, has blue eyes and brown hair. The second personality is William, twenty one years old, British. These two are the minds that control the remaining personalities that exist within Jeremy. Clive is the mercenary who controls the frustration and hate. There was the poor criminal, Sean, who was always a victim; and, lastly, a four-year-old boy called Joey.

In the mind of Marvin, he had been raped by his step-father. He told me during our meet that he was eight or nine when it happened and he distinctly remembers the day like a movie playing in his head. What would a child do at such a helpless, tender age? He’s too young to report the incident to the police, and might be neglected by his mother. May be this was why Marvin had always been the suicidal one.


To gain a deeper understanding of Jeremy’s personalities, I met with his parents, foster care supervisor and school friends. When I visited the foster care, I noticed that boys were being bullied by young men and administrators. When I met Jeremy’s father, I knew he was the one Marvin was afraid of. He seemed like a person capable of molesting his son. He also seemed like the one who would indulge in domestic violence. I saw gashes and wounds on Jeremy’s mother’s arms and neck. When I asked her about it, she gave me that apathetic look. Well, at least I knew where Marvin and Clive came from. Jeremy was afraid, but he also wanted to act on his fear.

Jeremy was good at the arts, explained his teachers. But he was bullied for the same. The boy who Jeremy murdered, Parker, was a senior. He locked up Jeremy in the girls’ locker room and oppressed him for hours. To make this worse, he video-taped it and made it viral across the school. Imagine the anger within Clive. The crime scene had photos of Jeremy passed out in a pool of blood next to Parker’s dead body. The feeling of anger within Clive was so intense that it physically drained Jeremy.

Each personality had its own need to come out and live in the outer world.  For instance, in a dangerous situation when there is need for defence, Clive would come out and fulfil his duty. Another example is just before Jeremy was found at the crime scene of Parker’s murder. Two days ago, Sean had set out to find a new job, and over the weekend Marvin had been reading a book about Great Leaders. All these personalities had their area of expertise, and when Jeremy was in a peaceful situation; William took charge and decided who would do what. For most of the time, this arrangement worked out without a glitch.

None of these personalities shared memory with one another. Only William could see what the others were doing. Imagine every time you wake up you didn’t even know where you were, or what you were doing. I could only imagine Jeremy waking up in a street with torn clothes and wounds all over his body, absolutely clueless as to what has been going on. Of all the papers I found in Jeremy’s file, there was a detailed rap sheet of various crimes that the same criminal wouldn’t commit. He was accused of rape, shop-lifting, and gang violence. It was almost as if each personality had a violent streak to them.

Sean and Joey were more dormant. I figured they were more empathetic towards Jeremy’s life, and the few memories he hopelessly held on to. He may have had a few good memories, which could’ve been instrumental in soothing his aggravation. I wish I knew him better to help him. Jeremy’s story breaks my heart. He was found dead in his cabin few days ago. I just presumed it could’ve been Marvin or William. Weak minds like Jeremy’s can’t handle stress well. They can’t help themselves the way we do. May be Jeremy was a victim all his life, but wanted to break out of it. In his mind, Jeremy could have created alternate visions of his reaction to the oppression he was subjected to. Mysteries that are hidden in the subconscious mind of people and are not so easy to identify.

This kind of mental state is a hint at the depths and power of the subconscious mind. As humans we are the most developed form of species on this planet. We must have a wide perspective to understand the power of the mind. May be more testing into this disease might someday bring about methods to hone the central function of our body – the brain.

The brain is wider than the sky. We all have very powerful minds and, we don’t realise how our subconscious mind governs our daily life, slowly moving it towards the lifestyle we truly desire. The paradox of reality is that no image is as compelling as the one which exists only in the mind’s eye.

You can be whatever you want to be. It’s just a matter of how strongly you believe in it.