Follow Your Heart...

From the Ink-blots in my Notebook...

Sometimes, your goals seem too close, yet too far. Like, it’s a hard day’s work, taking you no-where. You feel exhausted and lose hope; and, all-the-same, there is a voice inside you that pushes you towards it.

You’ve been with yourself forever, but you just can’t seem to fix the puzzle in your own head, that is, - What do you really want?! May be it’s the closeness that blurs your view; may be standing further along and judging would give you the vantage point you need. May be, it may not.

All you need to do is continue on the path your heart feels is right. Love your family, fear God, and be honest with your day’s piece – you’ll get what you deserve. Don’t leave any stone unturned.

It’s very difficult, sometimes. You think you know what you really want from life, and suddenly you’re without a plan.

May be, that’s it. Life has no plans. Life is unpredictable. You just have to live it. And, the day you reach your goal, however sooner or later it may be, no one can take it away from you. It’s your achievement, you worked for it – No one can take it away from you.

And now, magically, when you look back at the time you spent, you see the plan unfold. All this while, when you were flustered, now seems like a good day’s work – your journey to success.

May be that’s all life is about – being truthful. It’s way too simple. Wonder how people manage to complicate it?!

Doing what you love best shall never let you down. Failure shall not hurt you easy and success shall not render you proud. It shall humble you – give you an odd sense of unsettlement in your heart, to push yourself a little more, and compete with yourself. Cause, that’s the real measure of competition – open and the toughest, where you challenge your own faculties. Mind over mind!

Think over it. May be, you’re wrong. Yes, you have been with yourself all your life. But, make sure you aren't seeing yourself in the light of how others perceive you. There’s a little voice inside your heart trying to scream out what you would really covet. You’re dimming that sound within the drone of the world’s expectations. Nevertheless, you hear that voice humming.

Think really hard before you decide – Are you judging yourself too much?

Colours

Where do I go? I wonder. There is this ardent desire to break free. I wanna fly.

I have been thinking about these colors for some time. I feel like they’re almost trying to be vocal. They’re almost like a cure for my pain. Or maybe a consolation to my fears. They seem to break my sense of disillusion and take me into a beautiful world- a bright, lively and vibrant world. Yet how is it that every time I try to feel them, they seem to disappear?

There is much more to this tint than being a mere figment of imagination. Or maybe I am just foolish enough to try and find meaning out of something so trivial. I don’t know. The more I try to discover them, the more intensely they seem to blend. They seem to merge to such a extent that a magnificent glare is produced that blinds me. And soon enough before I regain my senses, they crumble into their natural forms… and I am back to where I began. So significant, yet so alarmingly inconsequential! I almost figured out what they were trying to tell me, and suddenly my words come crashing.

My words are not eternal. It is a harrowing process of blending together, yet it takes only a split of a moment to disintegrate! Just like, it takes a lifetime to come together, and a moment to withdraw. Wonder how do I forget things? They haunt me. I am hanging on a hope that is already shattered. The idea of forgetting is unacceptable, and remembering things only makes me realize that I’m desperately trying to maintain a promise that is already wrecked. Its vexingly eccentric. I am beginning to understand my slow slide into madness.

Words

It’s like time has played the most ruthless wager on me. Pen testing … 1... 2... 3...

Works! Hah. So, words just flow through a pen? It is a medium for thoughts to flow, and not the origin. Where I stand, right now, I wonder why each and every relation in my life seems so distant. There is a sense of disconnection. Like, a certain level of understanding is lost.

There is an emptiness in my life. Ugh. The more number of people I meet, further lonely I feel. Is there anything I can fill my life with?

There is a thought in my mind which I might fervidly want to express at this juncture. But an effort is being taken to forgo, and move on. Nonetheless, the effort is otiose.

Paradoxically, where my strength emerges from, is where I need it the most. Like, my mind exudes so much power that eventually it can’t get a hang of things for a while. It’s grueling.

There are people I love. A lot. I wanna give them my love, and feel good, probably great. The exultation of gifting love, which is so perfect. Impeccable! I don’t know. I don’t know where this write-up is taking me. May be it’s just helping me tune my judgments, which are precisely, extremely harsh on my own self.

Like, an explosion of thoughts, and fragmented images joined together to form the distorted picture of my chaotic life.

Time is not the greatest healer I’ve met. Nonetheless, it remains the greater preacher I know of. I promise to do full justice to it.

This pen doesn’t seem to be the perfect agent of my words. Thoughts are still rambling. I can’t seem to find a flow.

Probably, there is none. Probably, all I need is nothing. There is nothing that is amiss. Yet, this stretching hollow in my heart; it’s like the tunnel that separates me from the rest of the world, where I hear various significant voices reverberate, and tell me something so inspiring, yet so alarmingly inconsequential as opposed to the vast hollow of the tunnel. Worthless, muted and woeful. Like voices are dimmed as I move forward; only to find myself completely absent in the world I have created for myself. Like, I’ve gone adrift; perplexed, I can’t find what I’m looking for. Where am I, I wonder. I’m tangled in my own labyrinth of words. Words, that empower me, only vanquish my faculties to sensate, comprehend and respond. Like, they’ve left me with a feeling that I can’t even dredge up, or achieve all my life. A feeling that leaves me, with nothing but tears that wordlessly flow down my cheeks. Wordless.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Think, again!

12:00 pm
June 30, 2011
It’s about knowing how you feel, yet not knowing how to express it; when you feel so important, yet so
insignificant at the same time. You feel happy, like on top of the world, yet petrified as though it’s the
last moment of your life.
It’s the fringes of life that make your head spin, and it’s so ironical that joy and sorrow almost always
stand juxtaposed to one another, and mostly you can imagine posing right in the middle of them –
trembling, confused and fighting for breath!
Sometimes, you wonder which could be worse – A moment of happiness filled with tears or a life of
tears knowing it couldn’t get worse!
It’s all in the mind. It’s all as you see it. Ever wonder who conjures up these images in your head? Why
have you turned into the person you are? Why did you ever make decisions you regret? And, how
uncanny it is, because you’ve been living all your life all this time, yet you don’t know what you want
from it?!
Why is it that you run after building a house and buying a car? And how is it meaningful if you have no
love to share it? Who is your true friend? What does a well-wisher mean?
Sometimes you wonder if you could break free from all the chains of these norms and do what pleases
you and say what you feel. If only you could open your heart and cry out loud, or, dance around life a
buffoon to express your joy!
Your sorrow does not emanate from the money you earn, but from the people you hurt; more so, your
happiness does not emanate from the riches you gross up, but from the smiles of the people you love. God didn’t intend money. God intended love, and he brilliantly filled the world with it. It is unto you, to
find it, and embrace it.
The truth is, you know it all. You always know what you want, you know what you love, you know
who you are and you know how things will be!! But you’re afraid. You feel judged. And you want to
prove yourself to a bunch of people who don’t matter anyway! There is nothing about your life that
must baffle you, and there is nothing that you don’t know. It’s only love that your heart craves for. It’s
acceptance that it cries out loud for!
You could be yourself, and God has tailor-made one such person on the face of this planet, who’s
capable of loving you in countless ways, however ugly you may be – Cause we’re all very ugly people,
made of more bad than good. Yet there is one person, who is a friend, a lover, one who cares silently
and lends a hand in the hour of need – A friend who loves us without a reason; someone who’s always
on our minds, someone we can never get enough of– The one person we can love all our lives.
May be that is why they say, Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder; yet somehow they vouch that Love
is blind!